Breathe me in, dance me out

It’s the first time that I make it in the studio before the class starts. Still, barely two minutes early. More than twenty fellow dancers are already spread across every side of the room, yet no one in the first two or three meters in front of the mirror.

It always strikes me – it’s almost heart-breaking. Why people are always seeking a place to hide? Hell, how can you even be a dancer if you are afraid to expose yourself? Later, in retrospection, I will leave a sigh thinking that I am not so bad comparing to these folks, thus there is no one in here to help me accelerate my progress. But only later.

Because now… I don’t think any of these, now. Now… I am peaceful, I am calm. I walk slowly through all those bodies spread on the floor. I walk slowly all the way to the front with an unconscious smile on my face. The spotlight is mine!

I sit myself down. I lay myself down. I am peaceful, I am calm, I am happy. I am a happy man. I breathe in, I breathe out. I look towards the ceiling. This place is the best place to dance. And I am there, in the spotlight.

I am peaceful, I am calm, I am happy. I am a happy man.

comptine d’ un autre été

Marie steps in. She turns the music on. Puff! My thoughts dissolve instantly into a sparkling cloud of emotion that drifts right at the edge of my consciousness and my sub-consciousness. Oh, my… that wonderful melody!

I close my eyes. My right hand moves. My palm brushes my chest. My shoulder lifts as my hand keeps moving towards my left fingertips. My hips start rotating. My right leg is drawn on top of the left only for a split second before it drops to other side leaving a heavy sound behind, exactly as my right shoulder starts pulling my hand back again. It now touches the floor, again, as my hand brushes my chest on its journey back. As my hips start rotating back. As my right leg passes across just in time before my left hand brushes my chest. Before it pulls my left shoulder off the floor as it drives my upper body towards my right fingertips… I slowly roll right. I slowly roll left. And I keep rolling. And I keep rolling. But now not so slowly. Right. Left. I keep rolling. And rolling. Fast. And faster! And… I am peaceful, I am calm, I am happy. I am a happy man.

*

3 days ago

In. 5 minutes late… I find some space and quickly start rolling my head towards the floor. One vertebrae at a time. Till my palms touch the floor. Till I feel only the weight of my head. Till my body, the floor, the music start blurring their borders. Till everything becomes one.

*

You know, it’s different. I mean… the room is different. You know… I mean, not the room as in… the room. The room is just… a room. I mean not just a room, it’s a dance studio of course. But it’s just a dance studio. I mean… not every dance studio has a piano in the corner. But you know, it’s not the only studio that has a piano in the corner. The studio that I will dance in 3 days has a piano as well. In the corner. Only that no one will be sitting in front of that piano. You know, here it’s that guy that sits in front of the piano. I mean, not just sitting of course. He is playing the piano. Yes. I mean, that’s our music. But that’s not what makes the studio different. I mean, of course it makes it different, but it’s just not that that makes the studio different. It’s the people. The dancers. It’s the energy. Their energy.

I start unrolling myself up. One vertebrae at a time. My eyes scan my knees, my pelvis, my abs, my chest. I roll my shoulders back. I lift myself on my toes. I raise my hands over my head. I turn my eyes to the ceiling. I stretch myself all the way to my fingertips. And then… Then we dance!

No steps. We improvise. Only that I am not a dancer, yet. I am just… an egg, yet. And these people are just so good. They are beautiful birds. I should feel intimated. Only that I don’t. Instead… I am peaceful, I am calm, I am happy. I am a happy man.

I start moving around the busy room. I go low, heavy. And then I go up, light. I am fluid. And then I am stiff. I am soft. And then I am hard. My heart starts pounding. She curls her body on the floor. I raise my leg above her. He leans forward. I back-bend above him. And it’s so busy. Yet, I move fast. I approach the wall. Knee up. Leg up. I kick. And as my leg returns back it drags my whole body to the other side. I rotate. Two quick steps. She’s there. I freeze. Still. On my toes. And I release. Back steps. And forward again. One step. And another. And I jump. And… I am peaceful, I am calm, I am happy. I am a happy man.

*

I open my hands. I turn my head towards the night sky. I close my eyes. I let the rain wash my face. Wet smile. I cracked the surface. One day I’ll be a bird. A beautiful bird. I feel joy. I am peaceful, I am calm, I am happy. I am a happy man.